I am going to contribute the odd story or observaton which has relevance to our part of the world. Hope you like what might turn out to be an irregular feature.

Summer vacations in our little coastal village herald the arrival of the usual stream of holiday-makers and suddenly there is a huge advantage (if you are a seagull that is) in remembering the old favourite spots where hot potato chips, greasy hamburgers and extra-large pizzas are consumed in quantity.

Yes, the picnicking families have arrived and for the next few weeks they are here seemingly solely to dispense largesse in the shape of high -caloric easy pickings.

The downside of course is that suddenly every other damn seagull seems to have temporarily suspended fishing for a living and even those despicable feathered fiends that usually scrounge and scavenge for scraps at the local waste transfer station are now back and foraging in town.

As a result competition is fierce and the squawking and fighting over little morsels, that in the heat of the moment sometimes are not correctly recognized as the cherry-pips or cigarette-butts that cause severe indigestion, is not only tiring but is ultimately unrewarding.

A much better strategy, cunningly employed by a small smattering of the smarts, is to engage with families that have several small children in tow, but only after first retracting one leg and then hopping around with obvious difficulty.

For the beginner it may prove difficult to remain in the role of such an invalid when a hot chip lands close enough for it to be successfully claimed by quickly lowering and using the “missing” leg for extra traction.

It is vital however in such a situation to think long-term and forgo this one small prize in order to collect the jackpot. With a little patience the moment will soon come that one child will notice the sad disabled gull and point him out to the others. From that moment on the whole family effort will be centered on getting the full remains of the fatty feast directly to this poor cripple. Gulls that have perfected this methodology have been known to double their body-weight in just two weeks and, by “topping up” over Easter and during long weekends, they can afford to semi-retire early and comfortably. 

Perhaps because of a lack of essential vitamins, a shortage of Omega3 or a deficiency in calcium or iodine, the diet these malingerers enjoy seems to take its toll and, not remembering whether it is time to keep the left or the right leg hidden, they now regularly “forget” to extend any landing gear at all. Even when there are no tourists!

Comical as this can prove at times – and such an extraordinary performance during the season may well lead to extra pizza – I guess that evolution is running into a dead end here and that the fittest will long outlive the smartest.

Cheers